The Game of Life
"Be Nice, Be Forgiving, But Don't Be a Pushover."
Siquijor, August 2024
TL;DR: We are told to be nice because it is “good.” But math says we should be nice because it is “effective.” A lesson from a rainy island on why being a doormat is a losing strategy, but being a shark is even worse.
As I sit here trapped in my bungalow on a remote island in the Philippines, the rain doesn’t just fall; it hammers. It plays a rhythmic melody on the tin roof, like a drummer who can’t find the right beat.
Bummer? Nah.
Rain is nature’s way of telling you to sit down and shut up. It is an excuse for introspection—or in this case, a guilt-free YouTube binge.
(Shoutout to Starlink for beaming the internet from space through a tropical monsoon. Without you, I’d be forced to confront my own thoughts in silence, and nobody wants that.)
My initial cabin fever turned to gratitude when the algorithm served up a gem from Veritasium. It wasn’t just “content.” It was a software update for my moral compass.
The Strategy for the Game of Life
The video explores Game Theory (specifically the Prisoner’s Dilemma). It asks: In a world of selfish people, what is the winning strategy?
The computer simulation ran millions of scenarios. The winner wasn’t the “Jesus” strategy (always nice) nor the “Lucifer” strategy (always mean).
The winner was a strategy called Tit-for-Tat.
Here is the code for a winning life:
Be Nice: Always start with cooperation. Default to trust. Don’t shoot first.
Be Retaliatory: If someone defects (screws you over), you must punish them immediately. Do not be a pushover. If you don’t retaliate, you teach them that cheating you is free.
Be Forgiving: After you have retaliated once, go back to being nice. Do not hold a grudge. Reset the board.
Be Clear: Don’t be passive-aggressive. Make sure the other player knows exactly why you punished them and exactly why you are forgiving them.
In a Nutshell
Cooperation pays off big time. Defection is short-sighted; you won’t get very far by being a shark. You don’t have to lose for me to win. Life is not a zero-sum game.
But here is the hard part: It requires overriding the human instinct for an “infinite feud.”
We are wired for “An Eye for an Eye.” If you hit me, I hit you back harder. Then you hit me back harder. That is a death spiral.
The math proves that “An Eye for an Eye” leaves the whole world blind. The winning move is: An Eye for an Eye, then a Handshake.
You need the strength to strike back, but the wisdom to stop striking.
Words to Live By
The math is clear. The most ruthless, self-serving thing you can do is actually to be a good person—with a spine.
Tit for Tat – with a dash of generosity and a pinch of forgiveness.
Remember: Justice balances the books. Forgiveness closes the account.