Hot Canada™ 🔥
Loyalists of Common Wealth
Perth, March 2024
TL;DR: I started my journey in Hot Canada™ 🔥 (a.k.a. Australia). It’s a land of blinding sun, friendly chatterbugs, and a history built on petty crime. Imagine Canada, but replace the snow with sand and the polite silence with aggressive hospitality.
G’day mates!
Yes, this is a travelogue. No, I’m not sorry. Let’s go.
Welcome to the Aussie Odyssey
As I sit down to jot down my first impressions of Down Under, I can’t help but smile at the whirlwind of quirks that have been thrown my way.
Welcome to Perth, Western Australia!
My arrival was a study in contrasts. I went from a sketchy Airbnb pit stop that could pass for a Breaking Bad set in Albuquerque... To crashing at the pool house of a Noongar AFL legend... To riding commuter bike paths like I own the place.
My early Aussie Odyssey has bayn a woyld roide.
Prison Will Set You Free
In 1829, the Swan River Colony was struggling. Free settlers were in short supply.
Here is the history lesson they don’t teach you in school: Britain lost its lucrative American colonies to some tea-dumping, tax-evading lunatics (The USA). This left the Empire in a pickle. They had overcrowded prisons and nowhere to dump the “undesirables.”
Enter Australia.
Determined to fend off the French and clear out the dungeons, the Brits decided to ship out convicts for a little DIY colony building.
Did you pinch an apple to feed your starving family after working 20 hours in the steelworks? Congrats! You’re off to ‘Stralia.
It was a life sentence that turned into a lottery win. A one-way ticket to redemption Down Under.
The Land of High Saturation
Australia doesn’t do subtle. The sun here? It’s like a spotlight turned up to 11.
It feels like a +15% solar UV intensity bonus. (Science says this is due to the Earth’s tilt and the Southern Hemisphere’s cleaner air, but it feels like a personal attack on my melatonin).
Picture the scene: Blinding light. Razor-sharp horizons. Glowing soil so red it looks like Mars. Add to that an azure sky, fluffy Toy Story clouds, and water so clear it’s practically invisible.
It is as if Mother Nature decided to crank up the saturation filter in this corner of the world.
Fun fact: Black swans are native here. They are a living reminder that “impossibility” is just a state of mind.
Soon we meet narcoleptic quokkas on Rottnest Island, laid-back koalas on eucalyptus thrones, and wild kangaroos in the hills. Nature’s weirdest casting department works overtime here.
Is this Heaven or Suburbia?
Perth’s urban tapestry unfolds like a lone child in a sea of wilderness.
It is the suburban bliss of cookie-cutter houses with two-car garages, backyards with pools, and the obligatory Weber BBQ. It’s solar panels for that extra guilt-free daytime air-conditioning.
It is the soulless CBD, where executives in Rio Tinto polo shirts sip flat whites on their smoko breaks, ignoring the fact that they are the most isolated city on Earth.
It is the Hills of Kalamunda, where treehouses overlook the bush esplanade, soundtracked by kookaburras that sound like monkeys laughing at your life choices.
It is community festivals, like Mandurah’s annual Blue Crab Fest. Sure, the crabs were overpriced and required a PhD to eat, but hey—at least we made a stop at crustacean station.
A mix of “Mining Boom” money and “Small Town” vibes.
A Wild Chatter-Bug Appears
A month in, and I can’t deny the vibe. It is a land of generous, unpretentious people.
It’s like being welcomed into a giant backyard BBQ that spans a continent.
The locals? A polite yet friendly bunch. Whether you’re queuing at the supermarket or out on the trail, be prepared for impromptu chats. In London, eye contact is a crime. In Perth, it’s an invitation to a 20-minute conversation about the weather.
To Be Continued…
My Aussie Odyssey started in Perth.
Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions – maybe Western Australia is its own planet and has nothing to do with the rest of the country. Guess we’ll find out.
As I spend my last few days in Freo’, I prepare to say goodbye to the stunning sunsets of the West and hop on a train to the East.
Next stop: three days on a train, a straight line through the desert, and the occasional ‘roo.
Cheers, mate! 🦘
Neat recount of the first impressions in WA, I enjoyed reading it a lot. Bet it will continue to get interesting as you delve in the land's interior and finally emerge on the vibrant east coast. Happy trails!
On that note:
https://youtu.be/gu5lPuaZ9Jo?si=kYslE6RsgTK3SCNN